narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

snh-snh-snh:

I keep thinking oh man, I’m so immature. How am I allowed to be an adult.

Then I spend time with teenagers.

And it’s like, wow, okay, yeah. I am an adult. I am so adult. Look at me adulting all over the place.

sadeon:

if your girlfriend is cold, be a gentleman. put her in the oven for 40 minutes on 350. check often and serve plain or with white gravy

mrcrockers:

mrcrockers:

hue jackman

image

i showed this to my sister and she slapped me

loserpoet:

it’s a metaphor

loserpoet:

it’s a metaphor

grim-assassin:

Fucking idiot

lovesexdevotion:

That was so beautiful

lovesexdevotion:

That was so beautiful

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